A facebook friend newly posted blissfully reminiscing about her childhood, nearly wishful she could return to that time and place. Her post sent me back into the yesteryear of mine youth, component of i beg your pardon I invested with her. Simultaneously, the reminded me of the lyrics of a Beenie guy (for mine non-Reggae loving, non-West Indian readers, he’s a modern Caribbean Reggae Dancehall artiste) tune.

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“Memories nothing live like human being do…stop live under inna di past…”

(The reflective nature that this post and also most that this blog way that what I’m about to form is hypocritical however hey ho!)

My an answer to she Facebook post was a bit of asshole-ish but in mine defence… okay I don’t have a defence.

I comment under her write-up (paraphrasing here) the I absolutely don’t miss our teenage days and the place (one the the locations for me) wherein we grew up in Boston.

I loveeeee come reminisce and have a good guffaw v my friends and also cousins about the antics we acquired up come in ours 20’s and also 30’s. A memory road much less traveled is one whereby I sorely recall with sadness mine childhood (pre-aged 23 years old) friendships that didn’t make it through to adulthood and also what we did during those times. I gain it, us all love a bit 90’s RnB. Every time I put on a radio terminal in Barbados, they are permanently stuck in some other decade (could have actually something to perform with the high quality of contemporary music). But to be honest, exterior of music and also movies, who desires to relive a time in life when you had actually no autonomy over your life? having your parental yell in ~ you because that being 5 minutes late, not being able come sit on your couch naked eating ice cream? Granted, from the age of 13 – 18, ns (along with most of the human being in my neighbourhood) can have been the topic of a highly rated MTV reality show (Teen Moms and Road Rules would certainly have had actually nothing on us!). 

There were the hookie parties, the fights, the cars being pushed without a license, after midnight without our parents’ permission, jumping out of windows, fake IDs, trips to brand-new York (from Boston, liquor keep runs in ~ 15 (what not ethical bastards ran those liquor stores?!!!), the sleepovers which consisted of boys we snuck right into my residence (it was always my residence for some reason), prank phone call people’s houses and getting castle in trouble, and an entire collection of blog would need to be devoted to the times we obtained into the society underage (once the police do Kadee and also I so we had actually to work-related in the coat room for the night and another time, we had to sneak v the back door and also the owner that the club caught us), I could go on for years here. I really live a complete life before 20. 

But for all of these experiences, i was not happy and also comfortable till I to be an adult and over 30 v responsibilities and also accountability because that my very own life. I battle to called to world who pine because that yesteryear and also the feather of your youth (do not obtain me wrong, no a week go by that ns don’t daydream about how wonderful it would certainly be not to have actually rent, receipt and particular adultism) yet for me, waking up in the morning and also knowing that i earn mine keep and I don’t have the load of teenage stress and anxiety on my back is the liberation I have wanted due to the fact that I have had the awareness of memory. Possibly I am comes from a ar of privilege. Back a couple of of my loved ones have actually passed away and also I mourned them, ns am blessed to have actually my parents and also a loving family (for the most part, several of them have the right to suck a big rock the salt until they resemble a human being prune) and friends that i trust neighboring me.

When ns was farming up ns was worried every fucking day. Will someone desire to fight? will someone make funny of me? will I have a comeback? will certainly my comeback be rapid enough and also snappy enough? carry out my clothes look good? mine neighbourhood was not the projects of the Bronx yet it was the suburbs that Kansas either. Every time ns walked out of the apartment building I lived in, it was an opportunity for some sort of mayhem to commence. This type of atmosphere shapes a person. And also whilst storage can’t constantly be trusted, the zap ns felt when this on facebook friend post that snapshot of that neighbourhood carried me back to why ns am grateful to it is in an adult. I pity those look ago in regret, disguised as nostalgia, no able to realise the toxicity the a location that pitted one versus each other.

You see, for all of those typical (well, maybe not so common to some of you who lived in the suburbs) teenage experiences I had there to be more. There were numerous mornings ns woke up and saw the blood the those that were shot or killed the night prior to on the walls or the ground, there to be the girls that ganged up and also beat other often innocent girls, the relentless bullying and also name calling, oh – the girls were stabbing each other too, the robberies. At the time we every rationalised this together normal, laughed turn off a lot of this and didn’t assistance those who were the victim of these atrocities.

So as soon as I check out anyone look earlier fondly, a couple of things go v my mind:

Am i a weirdo (do no answer that! probably I should have rephrased)?

Are my childhood facebook friends sadists?

Perhaps they are masochists?

Or is it something else entirely? There room some storage I deserve to recall v laser precision choose the time Felicia, Sheryl and also I threw a party at my house and my mommy came home early on from work. Moment after she burst with the prior door, every one of the masculine guests to be running the end of the backdoor and others to be jumping off the porch (from the 2nd floor). Throughout this teenage delinquency party we were drink 40 ounces that Old English well-known in rap music at the moment as OE (my mother has actually never allow me live this down.I to be 14 btw – I kind this whilst laughing and also equally in awe that teenage Reds. Ns won’t define what Mummy Reds she put me ~ above punishment because that a good couple of months v two weekends turn off for great behaviour.)

I have the right to recall things that occurred when I lived in England once I was 3 years old. But other occasions that occurred approximately the same time together the well known OE and also after this period are very fuzzy. Ns have additionally destroyed most photos that myself throughout this time. Some traumatic things happened to me in between the ages of 13 – 17 the a select few adult girlfriend know about them – to it is in honest, until yesterday when I experienced that picture, I had actually forgotten around most of them. Wherein I thrived up in Boston when something occurred to a girl, the was her fault and also the neighbourhood carried your name like some sullied garment whilst pinching their noses. That is strange come watch several of these same civilization merrily living their stays in a previous steeped in ignorance with not a clue of the pain the others experienced during that very same time and also space.

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Memories are good but sometimes they deserve to be dangerous. Top top one hand, they room a blessing to remind us how much we have actually come. Top top another, they are a torture. For me, as lot as i look back, ns don’t lengthy for days gone by, even if it is it be in some apartment building in Boston, a coast in Barbados or almost everywhere else. The friendships I have now, the future that’s unfolding in front of me and also confidence ns fought countless years because that is all i need.