The human brain is asked to execute a lot every day. It has to keep your heart beating, her lungs expanding, your body operating, every while letting you dispute this week's "The Bachelor" and remembering the time you gained rejected in center school.

You are watching: What animal is the philly phanatic

But I'm i m really sorry to say the the super computer in your head has ultimately met that is match. Something for this reason reality-bending that it will have actually no selection but to simply shut down forever: The Phillie Phanatic is a bird.


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But the Phanatic? A bird? how in the hell does that make sense?

Now, granted, I'm not a scientist or someone versed in bird law, however let's run v my quick bird checklist:

Can the fly? No, the drives.

Does he have feathers? No, prefer Bigfoot or Robin Williams, he's spanned in a good layer the fur.

Well, he certainly has a beak, right? Yeah, if by beak you mean an orb the is one of two people his sleep or a portal to an additional realm.

Wings? No, those appendages room arms. The dude is a pugilist.

Stick-like bird legs? His legs room furry tree trunks.


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Seriously, just how did this track for someone? I know that dinosaurs space basically birds, yet these significant thunder lizards have an ext in usual with birds 보다 the Phanatic. If anything, the Phanatic is closer come Peter Gallagher (and Peter Gallagher's eyebrows) 보다 a bird. Go that mean the Phanatic is Peter Gallagher? (Wait, is over there something to this?)

Sadly, in the face of all logic and also reason, it shows up that he is not in truth the dad indigenous the O.C. Jayson Stark newly spent a day through him, and also multiple sources have actually confirmed: He's a bird. Wikipedia, the source of all known info in the world, agrees. The Phanatic hails native the Galapagos, we're told, a location that is an extremely famously full of birds, and also we're just supposed to take the at face value together a thing that makes sense.

"But if Darwin taught us anything, it's the the location is also a stew of evolution!" you say. "There room plenty of things there that aren't birds!"

Alas, however those things space not the Phanatic.

My mind hurts trying to expropriate this information. Indigenous are currently meaningless. The Phanatic is a bird. Ns hope this details didn't ruin your day.

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Michael Clair writes because that chrischona2015.org. He spends a many time thinking around walk-up music and also believes stirrup socks space an integral component of every officially outfit.